"I have of late, and know not where, lost all my mirth"

I have been on a bit of a downer of late. Why, there are a few reasons.
I have been out of work for over two years...."Over two years"....yes, and this is why.
The place I was on contract to closed down, because it was badly run by people who had no passion for the place.
I worked at The Tales Of Robin Hood" in Nottingham, where I live. I was there in the capacity as the education officer and resident living historian.
"Are you qualified to do that job". Yes, I hold a PhD in history and have been studying the history of Robin Hood for over thirty years, so that must make me qualified.
The biggest problem is that the Tales was run by someone who didn't really care. All he wanted to do was make as much money as he could out of the place without putting anything back in.
I used to take school parties and tell them the truth behind the legend. I would break down some serious walls about the character of the man in green, firstly by telling them he didn't wear green.
But it closed down and there is now nothing in Nottingham that is specifically to do with Robin Hood.
I  am an actor, fight choreographer and do allot of stunt work as well. But there is no work in the industry at the moment because of cuts and when of course you get to my age people think you are over the hill.
It matters not that I am just as fit and healthy as I was twenty years ago, because I keep myself that way, neither does it matter that I train every single day. Oh no, that doesn't mean anything. In this game once you reach forty you are done (and it's worse for women)
So I am stuck looking at the want adds and trying to see if I fit anywhere else. I could be one of those people who just rests on their laurels and does nothing, thinking the world owes them a favour, no sorry can't do that, worked all my life until this point and it's getting me down.
Teach, someone said to me.....no can't even do that without the right paperwork. It doesn't matter that I have over thirty years of experience in my chosen field, it doesn't matter that I have letters after my name. If you don't have the right papers you might as well be pissing into the wind.
The DWP Department of Works and Pensions, The DSS Department of Social Security are next to useless as well.
The last time I went in there they said "You have to be realistic" and then tried to foist bar work, catering work, kitchen work at me saying "This is all you can do".....................WTF
I am not a proud man, I will take a job that fits my skill set. I will not take a job that is thrown at me just to gat me off some departmental government books, just to make those bastards look good. Is this wrong of me, maybe I should sell out and take the first thing that is given to me, but what about all the skilled bar staff and kitchen workers who are unemployed, surely these jobs would be better given to them.
I was reading in the papers a few weeks ago that there are 5000 jobs a month being lost because of this recession, 5000 people, that's criminal, and why because we have a government that thinks more about lining it's own pockets than it does about making this country a better place.

I hate my life at the moment, but do you know what I hate even more, those sanctimonious bastards that say "Oh keep your chin up, it will get better". You know the ones who are working and don't really give a tiss about whether you are working or not because they are sitting pretty with a six figured salary. They say it not to keep your chin up, but just to rub it in your face. I know when something is meant and when something is being said just to say something.

People say "You can't be down, you're always smiling" yes but that doesn't mean I am happy, it simply means that I don't want sympathy from you because I am down, I don't want to inflict my misery on you. So I keep a smile on my face and try to make other people laugh and try not to be the miserable bastard I feel.
I want to work for myself, when acting I have to, I pay my own taxes and national insurance. I keep my own accounts. But even there I am fucked, why, because I can't get a loan from the bank because I am signing on, I can't get any help from anywhere...Oh and trust me I have covered all my options on that one. I have tried everywhere to get a small business loan.
At the moment my life is shit, the only good thing in it is my boy David who has just got his PhD in Archeology...and my best friend Hoppity she is a beautiful girl, with her head screwed on (sometimes I want to screw it off) in the right place.We argue but never fall out, we trust each other implicitly and have no secrets, and one of the very few girls who has never lied to me.
Both she and David keep me sane and I love them both, David because he loves history and has always supported me and Hoppity because she is the most intelligent female I know, who has the heart of a lion and the beauty of a supermodel.

My life sucks ass....but you know. There is always someone worse off than me, so for now I will cope with my lot in life and cleave to my friends.