Okay so it's august and I must say I usually like August, sunshine, visits to the sea, drinks in a nice little pub somewhere with friends etc etc.
Not this August though, if ever there was a month that could do with fucking right off it's August 2012.
Not only did I have a visit from some blood sucking bailiffs about none payment of Poll tax, Community Charge or whatever the hell it is called these days, but after doing a bit of re search I found out that it isn't even mine that I am having to pay. It is down to my ex and an old housemate of mine (before I even moved into this address)>
I am having to pay other peoples because when we all lived in the same house , it was shared, not seperate flats, an my name was on the rent book, therefore I am responsible for the tax payments.......nice eh.
So not only that, but my best friend in all the world moves out, which means suddenly I am having to pay for everything again, on my own, whereas she would help with food, gas, electric etc, so I am now having to pay for everything myself again.
But to top the month off my old dog Captain Flint was put to sleep a few days ago, so August 2012, you can fuck off and kiss my arse.
Oh yeah and my bike is still off the road, can't even afford to get the screws, nuts and bolts that have been lost by Vlad the bastard (cat). So yeah this month has been the worst month I hav had to suffer for many many years.
There are certain things that really get to me though, I mean things that no one should have to put up with, like, paying someone else's debts off. This Poll tax thing I have been paying off for months now, I stopped because of a mix up at the Job Center office , because at the moment I am having to sign on (which I fucking hate)
I mean I couldn't let someone else pay my debts off without a by your leave or a kiss my arse but that is exactly what I am doing.
I hate the fact that it was someone I trusted as well.
My old dog going was hard but he was 19 years 5 months old and that is a hell of an age for a Lurcher to reach, the vet was amazed.
But I am just feeling so low at the moment., maybe it's time I was travelling again. I got a good mind to sell everything I own and just fuck off, tired of this life, tired of living hand to mouth, just plain old tired of everything and everybody.
Pleas don't get me wrong I have loads of people in my life (only a few I actually care about) but loadsof people I can see and talk to but not even that is helping .
I need a change of luck.I used to have luck, I had it by the bushel basket, but now it's just gone and with it went allot of my hope.
I am still trying to get my own business back up and running but cannot find the funding/ grants to be able to start and you know what pisses me off more about that than anything else.............It's £2.500, that's it, that's all I need, it's a pissing little amount, but no one can help me, and please before anyone starts sending me links to this and that and saying try this...trust me I have already covered all my options on this score and I do mean every single one, so don't waste your time finding anything out about it for me because I really have tried everything there is to try, even private funding.
No I am afraid that all this shit that has come to rest at my door is just about all I can take for right now, if anything else happens to me that isn't positive I am just likely to lose the plot altogether.
Well that's about it really, my back is getting better, the only positive thing to happen. Other than that my life is sucking dick right now.
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Thursday, 9 August 2012
I have of late and know not where lost all my mirth (part 2)
It's the end of an era.
Hoppity moves out today and I feel gutted.
For those that don't know Hoppity (Amy) Haggard is my best friend. She moved into my house eighteen months ago after moving to Bullwell and finding it to be a shithole.
It ain't been the easiest of times, for seven months we were both unemployed and literally living on the bones of our respective arses, but the one thing we did even when we were both broke with very little sometimes no food in the house is laugh, we laughed so much about the most stupid things and I am going to seriously miss that.
It's not like we were boyfriend/girlfriend material, we just got on so well, we understood each other and we became real close.
She was only going to be here for a short time, I knew that from day one, but now she is moving out and I am really upset about it.
I know I will see her again, it ain't that, it will just be different and I fear that we will drift apart until we are just nodding to each other across the pub.
I had a best friend once and lost them the same way.
They always say "Oh don't worry I will keep in touch and come see you all the time, and that is what happens.........for a bit. Then the visits get less and less and the conversation gets less and less until you are just strangers to one another......I don't think i could stand to lose another best friend that way.
I don't make friends very easily, never have been able to, don't know why it's just the way I am I suppose.
I am now feeling like shit and can't get my head round that fact. I am happy for her to be moving into her own place, it's the first time she has had a place of her own so she is very excited about it.
I suppose I just don't want to be on my own again. The last time I was on my own I was in that place for eight years, and I kind of got used to the fact, then Hoppity moved in and it was like having a Saturn 5 rocket strapped to my back, it was like thunder before the rain, a proper roller coaster of a ride and I enjoyed every single second of it. but she uis now moving out and I just have this feeling that I am going to be back where I was eighteen months ago.
Oh it';s alright people saying "then don't slip back" easier said than done. For those that have never been in my position then before saying something like that, just think about it.
I am still without work, even though I look every day in the vain hope that there will be something I can do, but as yet there is still nothing.
All I know how to do is act, I have been doing that for thirty years and it ain't easy when you are only trained for that one thing, for some stiff necked idiot at the job center to turn and say " all we can offer you is work as a cleaner, bar work, kitchen staff, in fact every kind of shit job you can imagine, what's more I have degrees in History, Drama and art. None of which are of a fat lot of use to me.
My life is going down hill very fast and alll I can do is hang on until it stops.
I have been more than pro active in looking for work, but there is literally nothing for me out there.
I need an agent but can't find one who is willing to take me onto their books, even a shit agent would be good right now.
But the fact that my friend is moving out today has really upset me. It's like an episode of Friends I tell you.
If my bike were on the road I could at least go out and do some travelling, it wouldn't take a great deal to put it on the road either. I have been promised by someone to do the work but they ain't showed, so I am still without transport, I can't even afford to get someone out to do the work, so unless someone is willing to come help me the bike will be sat there for another twelve months doing nothing, it's sucjh a shane. I could do the work myself, it's only a case of doinf the brake pads and fitting a new throttle cable. The problem is I just don't have the dexterity in my fingers anymore (too many broken fingers I guess)
So you see at the moment I have no transport, no job or hope of getting one and my best friend is moving out...............................great, I wonder when I am going to fall and break my neck, because the way my luck is going that's bound to happen.
Hoppity moves out today and I feel gutted.
For those that don't know Hoppity (Amy) Haggard is my best friend. She moved into my house eighteen months ago after moving to Bullwell and finding it to be a shithole.
It ain't been the easiest of times, for seven months we were both unemployed and literally living on the bones of our respective arses, but the one thing we did even when we were both broke with very little sometimes no food in the house is laugh, we laughed so much about the most stupid things and I am going to seriously miss that.
It's not like we were boyfriend/girlfriend material, we just got on so well, we understood each other and we became real close.
She was only going to be here for a short time, I knew that from day one, but now she is moving out and I am really upset about it.
I know I will see her again, it ain't that, it will just be different and I fear that we will drift apart until we are just nodding to each other across the pub.
I had a best friend once and lost them the same way.
They always say "Oh don't worry I will keep in touch and come see you all the time, and that is what happens.........for a bit. Then the visits get less and less and the conversation gets less and less until you are just strangers to one another......I don't think i could stand to lose another best friend that way.
I don't make friends very easily, never have been able to, don't know why it's just the way I am I suppose.
I am now feeling like shit and can't get my head round that fact. I am happy for her to be moving into her own place, it's the first time she has had a place of her own so she is very excited about it.
I suppose I just don't want to be on my own again. The last time I was on my own I was in that place for eight years, and I kind of got used to the fact, then Hoppity moved in and it was like having a Saturn 5 rocket strapped to my back, it was like thunder before the rain, a proper roller coaster of a ride and I enjoyed every single second of it. but she uis now moving out and I just have this feeling that I am going to be back where I was eighteen months ago.
Oh it';s alright people saying "then don't slip back" easier said than done. For those that have never been in my position then before saying something like that, just think about it.
I am still without work, even though I look every day in the vain hope that there will be something I can do, but as yet there is still nothing.
All I know how to do is act, I have been doing that for thirty years and it ain't easy when you are only trained for that one thing, for some stiff necked idiot at the job center to turn and say " all we can offer you is work as a cleaner, bar work, kitchen staff, in fact every kind of shit job you can imagine, what's more I have degrees in History, Drama and art. None of which are of a fat lot of use to me.
My life is going down hill very fast and alll I can do is hang on until it stops.
I have been more than pro active in looking for work, but there is literally nothing for me out there.
I need an agent but can't find one who is willing to take me onto their books, even a shit agent would be good right now.
But the fact that my friend is moving out today has really upset me. It's like an episode of Friends I tell you.
If my bike were on the road I could at least go out and do some travelling, it wouldn't take a great deal to put it on the road either. I have been promised by someone to do the work but they ain't showed, so I am still without transport, I can't even afford to get someone out to do the work, so unless someone is willing to come help me the bike will be sat there for another twelve months doing nothing, it's sucjh a shane. I could do the work myself, it's only a case of doinf the brake pads and fitting a new throttle cable. The problem is I just don't have the dexterity in my fingers anymore (too many broken fingers I guess)
So you see at the moment I have no transport, no job or hope of getting one and my best friend is moving out...............................great, I wonder when I am going to fall and break my neck, because the way my luck is going that's bound to happen.
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