I try to be a happy chap most of the time, I really have to work hard at it these days, not having any work and feeling pretty useless.
but today my friend said something that made me think a bit. She said i was "so infuriating " well i didn't know how to answer her. I mean infuriating , I thought "how rude". But you know after sitting down for an hour or two and thinking about it I can understand why.
I must be one of the hardest people in the world to live with. Being out of work, where before I was getting a job sometimes two or three a week.I am now sat on my arse for a good portion of the day.
Please don't think I am one of those daytime tele people, that would be hard because I don't actually own a working television.
I go out most days and do the whole looking for work thing, job centre, library, asking at every place I can think of etc etc. So I am out and about.
I hate going into town though so I do what I need to do and then get the hell out of Dodge, It ain't that I don't like the town, I just can't stand the idiots that are trolling around there these days, I can't stand to see those "little groups of sadness" huddled in the market square being sad at one another because they think it's cool (Emo's I think they are called)
So i will from now on unless I really am pushed for time put a shout out on Facebook or one of the miriad of social networking sites I seem to be on to see if anyone wishes to join me for coffee or a beer if time is on my side.
Apparently my friend says I have to get out more and meet people and because I don't she says I am "infuriating" because I "lock myself away in my little box of a living room and speen all day on Facebook or watching films"
I wish i could do that but alas no. I train everyday with my swords or knives and go through all my karate basics, kicks punches blocks etc so as to keep myself fit.
But on the advisement of my friend I will try to stop being so infuriating and get out more.
In my last blog I talked about loneliness, well I am lonely and would love a girlfriend again, been a very long time for me 10 years for Christs sake so I must do what I can to rectify this.
I love my friend very much and I know she only has my best intentions at heart. But where do you start after ten years, how do you get back in the game so to speak.
I have forgotten how to talk to girls, I have forgotten how to chat one up that's for damned sure. I was once gifted with the ability to do this nut now I am unsure.
I have always been quite shy around girls and have always found myself a bit tongue tied when one speaks to me, especially if I am dressed in my everyday clothes.
It's all good when I am in costume, when I am dressed as Robin Hood, a highwayman, pirate or some such other character, I can hide behind that. But as me I am just pretty dull I think. Maybe I think too much. I can't read the signs anymore, everything has changed.
Still I must try my best and do what is necessary, just to stop being so "infuriating" . I hate it when she goes off on one and shouts at me I always feel like a little child who has bee scolded for being caught with his fingers in the biscuit barrel. I always feel like I am a shit friend when she does this.
I do say i'm sorry and try my best, it's just that sometimes I can't get it right......ever.
I know I need a woman and that's for sure, I just don't want some space cadet who has nothing to say but looks pretty.
I am not a shallow person I don't really care what someone looks like as long as they have something to say that I find interesting. Oh don't get me wrong I don't want some hideous crone I would love a girl/woman that is pretty and has something about her and not just a look, if that is shallow then okay that's what I am.
Still just thought I would write a little something about me being "infuriating" but not miserable.
apologies for the crammer
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